Gambling addiction doesn't just affect the gambler; it ripples out to friends, partners, and family. If you suspect someone close to you is struggling, you might feel helpless, angry, or confused. The good news is that your support can be a powerful catalyst for change.
Recognizing the Signs in Others
Before you intervene, it's helpful to be sure. Problem gamblers often go to great lengths to hide their behavior. Look for these subtle signs:
- Unexplained financial issues: Borrowing money frequently, missing bill payments, or being secretive about finances.
- Mood swings: Sudden anxiety, depression, or irritability, especially after checking their phone or watching sports.
- Time disappearance: Being unaccountable for long periods or losing track of time regularly.
- Defensiveness: Getting angry or defensive when asked about money or how they spend their time.
How to Start the Conversation
Approaching the topic can be daunting. You don't want to sound accusatory, which can make them withdraw. Here are some tips for a constructive conversation:
Conversation Starters
- "I've been worried about you lately. You seem really stressed, and I've noticed [specific behavior]. Is everything okay?"
- "I care about you and our future. I've noticed some money is missing, and I'm scared it might be related to gambling. Can we talk about it?"
- "I'm not here to judge you, but I want to understand what's going on so I can support you."
Do's and Don'ts
DO
- ✓ Choose a calm, private time to talk.
- ✓ Use "I" statements ("I feel worried...").
- ✓ Listen without interrupting.
- ✓ Focus on the behavior, not the person.
DON'T
- ✕ Lecture or preach.
- ✕ Get angry or lose your temper.
- ✕ Bail them out financially.
- ✕ Exclude them from family life.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Helping doesn't mean enabling. It's crucial to protect yourself and your finances.
- Secure your finances: Separate bank accounts and limit their access to shared funds. This isn't punishment; it's protection.
- Don't pay their debts: Bailing them out often prolongs the addiction because they don't face the consequences.
- Set limits on behavior: Be clear about what you will and won't tolerate (e.g., "I won't lie to cover for you").
Suggesting Tools and Support
When they are ready to accept help, have resources ready.
- Self-Exclusion: Help them register for schemes like GAMSTOP (UK) or BetStop (Australia).
- Blocking Software: Install gambling blockers on their devices.
- Accountability Apps: Apps like Whistl are designed for this exact dynamic. You can be their "mate" on the app, receiving alerts if they try to gamble, which rebuilds trust through transparency.
- Professional Help: Encourage therapy or support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.
"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." – Johann Hari
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting an addict is exhausting. Don't forget your own needs. Groups like Gam-Anon are specifically for families and friends of problem gamblers. You need a support network too.
Be Their Teammate, Not Their Jailer
Whistl helps you support your friend or partner through mate-based accountability. Rebuild trust together.
Download Whistl Together